It's an endless cycle of setting my mind to do something and not following through with the task in mind, resulting in sadness, guilt, and leaving me in an ongoing existential crisis, which I used to have every once in a while as a kid, but has gotten more frequent as of late. I procrastinate what I want to do by watching television shows for hours on end to the point where I get sick of it all and am not actively watching it, as if I'm in a daze, staring at the pixels on my screen and fading out into complete nothingness. I felt empty.
I even procrastinate procrastination, that's how bad it is. I could procrastinate watching TV by watching ants scrambling to get their food over the kitchen counter. I have motivation, but is it not strong enough to get me moving? I wanted to write a few posts, I always say I want to write and that I'd do it, but nothing gets done. No surprise there. It even took so much out of me to jot this down.
I'm losing myself and I'm confused. I'm determined to make things better, however little the difference.
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