How could I?

In the future, I think I'm going to look back on what I did and cringe, with the possibility of hoping that I could stop existing, but for now, I am only feeling half of the effect. I feel.. fine, relieved and a bit disappointed, but maybe it's for the better?

It all started yesterday when a friend of mine asked me how I was doing. A bit odd, isn't it, having someone message you out of the blue? It was a nice gesture though, so of course I replied with yadda yadda yadda the usual...

After jumping from subject to subject in bouts over a duration of about five hours, things  escalated and I don't even know how we ended up discussing... other matters that probably aren't normal for two people to discuss. Things were getting extremely.. anomalous? I don't even think that's a strong enough word to describe the situation. Freakish? Close enough.

In the back of my mind I thought about our problems and our dreams and fantasies, I thought of the bizarre solution that would solve everything; our curiosity and desires. I paid no heed to it though and abandoned the idea, deeming it absurd. But with the littlest of hopes I had left I thought maybe, just maybe, it could work.

So, holding the last of whatever was left of my pipe dreams, I absent-mindedly sent it out to him, expecting nothing in return.

"Sure," he replied, "why not?"

That was surprising. I had to do a double take just to be sure I read that correctly. Is this even true? You are seriously fine with 'experimenting'? I couldn't believe it! Thinking about it made me slightly nervous, I talked things through with him first, assuring him that there is no big deal in doing this, to which he agreed. I suggested a time and place, but nothing was confirmed yet.

I went to bed with him on my mind, doing what we agreed to do. It was.. pretty good even though I'm not attracted to him at all. It'll be fun, I forsee.

I wake up the next day, and bam! No more. Said it didn't feel natural to plan it. I reflected on what I proposed and I feel mental! How could I ask for such a thing? That's so strange! I'm kind of sad though because I was looking forward to testing the waters, but oh well I guess it's best to wait. Still, I have the urge to ask more people since I'm so desperate and I can't wait any longer..