Looking back on my previous few posts where I articulate my thoughts on being vulnerable and opening up to people on more personal thoughts and feelings, I've experienced a lot in the past week that has made me question a lot of what I stand for.
Vulnerability: To quote what I said before, "I don't think it's a problem not being vulnerable, it's just who I am.." etc etc. I'm starting to question this. I need..... to open up to people more and not be afraid of judgement.
Why do I have this vulnerability?
Are my closest friends REALLY that close? What have I been afraid to reveal about myself? I'm sorry, guys.
If I don't open up to them, do they REALLY know who I am?
To whoever reads this, don't think I'm questioning our friendship and deciding to cut ties, haha. I'm just saying that our friendship can go deeper as we show more facets of ourselves that we don't commonly show to people. I'm confident that you all will accept me regardless of what I reveal, and this will be reciprocated (unless you tell me that you're behind the reason why... The Office only has 10 seasons?)
I think this takes time, too. It's not like we meet everyday and have the opportunity to share our personal problems and have deep talks all the time. So, it's a matter of time.
Again, I'm contradicting myself. Earlier (in my physical journal or on here) I mentioned that "time isn't the reason why I can't open up to my friends (Anri and Merissa) because I revealed more to Judy despite knowing her for a shorter period of time." I retract this statement.
Merissa, I owe it to her. I'm so thankful for her as she's making me question what I used to believe in. She's shown me the way forward to deeper, long-lasting relationships with people. I truly respect her for the sacrifices she has made for the people in her life.
No comments:
Post a Comment