Weird Feeling

Sitting in a Burger King on a Monday night, waiting for dance lesson to start. My eyes feel heavy due to a lack of sleep, too much reading, and the weight of the thought of having to catch up on work.

It's a weird feeling. As I stare at the readings in front of me, the 700 page textbook on my phone and laptop, and the stack of books in my bag with papers pouring out of them, I am feeling some anxiety while simultaneously feeling excitement, control, and relaxation.

God, my thinking has gotten so much slower over the past few months. My spelling is also atrocious now and I can't seem to get words out of my head that quickly and easily. I feel so challenged but so excited for some reason.

This is very, very weird. I'm feeling stress and pressure and trying to adjust to this new schooling life, but I also love this so far. This is SO WEIRD! You know? Is this what you call a "labour of love?"

What the hell is going ON! Haha, I have so many things to do, so many activities planned out, not a single weeknight free. I think the fact that I've made a conscientious effort to use a calendar to schedule things for the first time in my life has made me proud of my ability to control things.

God, this is so weird!!!! I'm also uncertain, maybe this is some premature thinking? Maybe I'll hate school in the weeks to come?

Fuck it, I fucking love it so far. I love having to read so much shit because I'm learning so many new things and gaining new insights to life. The materials in school are so inspiring and, coincidentally, it seems like everything I'm learning now links up to each other in a way. Or maybe I'm making this obscure links. But I love it. I love how everything complements each other.

I love my writing I love my readings I love everything. What's going on!?!?